Monday, November 16, 2009

8 simple rules for living in Mumbai!

I came across this while surfing the net and this was too hysterical not to post! I have not written this, but a big kudos to the guy who did! It was really funny, so I just had to post it! Especially since its even appropriate now than when it was posted last year!

8 simple rules for living in Mumbai
May 16, 2008 posted by indiatime |

Maharashtra’s regional political party is slowly sketching its vision for victory in future elections, and among its new targets are the people or businesses who still keep using Mumbai’s old name ‘Bombay’. Some secret regional pride strategies and some of the currently brewing plans were leaked to the press a few days ago and here is the list of things that will soon be the etiquettes you will have to learn if you live in Mumbai.

1. You have to change your name to a Maharashtrian name. For most Mumbaikars, this is a tough challenge, so the local leaders have allowed people to take a generic last name - ‘Mumbaikar’. e.g. Amitabh Mumbaikar, Shah Rukh Mumbaikar, Abu Mumbaikar, Murli Mumbaikar, Anil and Mukesh Mumbaikar, etc. There is a proposal to allow suburban names such as Abhishek Andehrikar, Hrithik Dadarkar, etc.

2. Every Mumbaikar will soon have to begin learning Marathi. Monthly assessments will begin soon, and anyone who fails to show reasonable progress will have to run around Shivaji park ten times.

3. Every Mumbaikar will soon have to watch at least one Marathi movie every month. Considering the possibility that this rule may border on torture, there is a proposal under consideration to allow watching Dada Kondke movies repeatedly.

4. Ritesh, the Maharashtra Chief Minister’s son, will now be the default male lead in all Bollywood movies. And Rakhi Sawant, the Maharashtrian neck throb will have to be the default female lead.

5. The monsoon season is around the corner, and Mumbai will soon start flooding at its seams. Anyone who allows the local waters of the Mithi river to enter into the Arabian ocean will be apprehended and prosecuted to the full. Mumbai needs water, and every Mumbaikar should do the needful to contain the water in the city.

6. Every foreign article or company name or brand name will have to change to a Maharashtrian name. No more McDonalds, Pizza huts, Subways. Brand names such as Mercedes, BMW, and lexus, the ones used by most of Mumbai’s bigshots, will soon get a Maharashtrian name.

7. Zunka Bhakar, the local Maharashtrian delicacy will have to be at the top of every restaurant’s menu, bar none.

8. Anyone who still keeps calling ‘Shivai Park’ will face severe penalties. It is ‘Shivaji Udyan’ or ‘Shivaji Baug’. Call it a ‘park’ and you will soon be parked out of Mumbai, the pride of Maharashtra’s prejudice.
Every time I go into Fort, I always look at the Flora Fountain with great regret. A beautiful structure, it has been allowed to fall to disrepair. Well, maybe that's overstating it! Ok, it is overstating it, but there is no denying that the structure could do with lots of cleaning and sprucing up..... it is so beautiful that I wish they would!

The East India Company, in 1668, "hired/ rented" the islands of Bombay from the Crown for a princely sum of 10 British pounds a year!!! Indicative of the value that Prince Charles II placed on his wedding gift received by him from the Portugese when he married Princess Catherine!

In 1858, after the famous Sepoy Mutiny (the first war of Indian Independence 1857), I guess the Crown finally figured they had allowed The Company to wreak enough havoc, and the islands reverted back to the Crown. More likely they discovered what cuckoos The Company had made of them! India was the proverbial land of gold!!

n 1862 Sir Baartle Frere was appointed Governor by the Crown, an office which he held until 1867, and, under his stewardship Mumbai saw a lot of construction, land reclamation etc. In his honour, it was decided to erect a fountain in Victoria Gardens (Horticultural society gardens) but for some reason the fountain was moved to the centre of the city!

And that is where it stands even till today, still as majestic as it was 145 years ago!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Umbrella please!

Unexpected rain and Mumbaikars gear up to handle it. While Typhon Phyan has been worrying Mumbai met department, the locals are battling with it in their own inimitable way!!